On the Meaninglessness of Saying "Happy Birthday! How are you?!" on Someone's Facebook Wall on Their Birthday

This post is dedicated to Allison Koehler, whose presence in my life I miss more and more each day and whose laughter still echoes in my head, be it due to its charm or its sheer volume, despite the ocean currently between us (and who was also the first person to wish me "Happy Birthday" on Facebook). Giraffe.

And this post is especially not dedicated at all to Tim Wingerter, who I could live pretty indifferently with or without.

With my birthday coming up tomorrow, I feel inclined to say something about the facebook posts one receives on one's birthday from the random assortment of accumulated acquaintances that compile the "Friends" list of any given individual.

There exists no manner of wishing a person "Happy Birthday" more impersonal than the facebook post. In fact, I would rather not receive anything than receive just a facebook post.

The lack of caring emerges from the fact that Facebook removes all thought and responsibility from the act of wishing someone a happy birthday. There are two parts to wishing someone a happy birthday:

1. Remembering the date.
2. Exerting some effort to wish someone a happy birthday.

Facebook eliminates both of these processes. The reminders on the side of the screen, combined with simple links to someone's page and the stroke of 14 keys hardly bring about any exertion on the actor. Thinking of the other person is therefore eliminated; there is a hollow shell left of best wishes founded on no meaningful thought. You're giving someone a gift with no batteries.

Now, facebook posts are acceptable in addition to some sort of phone call, online conversation, e-mail, e-card, letter, package, present. There needs to be some sort of thought about the person you are wishing a happy birthday to for it to have any meaning.

Now, I cite Alli up top as the first person to wish me a happy birthday on Facebook. Don't get confused - Alli is a true friend. She posted on my wall in addition to messaging me, wishing me a happy birthday, and being genuinely interested in how I am doing. High five for Alli.

In an attempt to overcome my bitterness of facebook posts, I implore all the readers of this blog to call those they care about when their birthdays come around. It shows not only that you care about the person, but that you are making an active effort to contact them and wish them well; it shows someone that they mean more to you than three clicks, 13 letters, and one strike of the spacebar.

I'm pretty sure whoever reads this will call me anyway and those that don't read this will not have called me. Ah, beautiful beautiful equilibrium.